September 2009
4 posts
Zack Morris.
I used to date Zack Morris. I was an intern for Mike Huckabee, and if you tell my mother, I’ll have to cut you. Anyway, Zack and I were in charge of volunteer coordination and decided to do streetside visibility. I was standing on a street corner waving my I Heart Huckabee poster with all my might when suddenly, out of nowhere, seven masked ninjas dashed towards us from across the street! I threw...
Carson Daly.
I used to date Carson Daly.
I don’t want to talk about it.
Please don’t judge me.
Darth Vader.
I used to date Darth Vader. He used the Force, but I didn’t press charges. I was wearing a short skirt, so really, I was asking for it.
Harry Potter.
I used to date Harry Potter. It was ten years after Voldemort fell. I was spending a year in London working at Flourish and Blott’s. I can’t remember how I wrangled an invitation— a friend of a friend, I think. I saw him early in the evening. He smiled at me and I looked away. Even among American wizards, he’s famous, and I’m never one to fawn over celebrities. Perhaps that’s because I’ve...