Zack Morris.
I used to date Zack Morris. I was an intern for Mike Huckabee, and if you tell my mother, I’ll have to cut you. Anyway, Zack and I were in charge of volunteer coordination and decided to do streetside visibility. I was standing on a street corner waving my I Heart Huckabee poster with all my might when suddenly, out of nowhere, seven masked ninjas dashed towards us from across the street! I threw myself in front of a small child standing nearby, only vaguely aware of the screaming panic surrounding me. By the time I looked up to search for an escape route, all seven ninjas were unconscious on the ground and Zack was standing in the middle, just coming out of a fighting stance and barely out of breath. It may have just been the adrenaline, but I found myself on my feet and flying into his arms in a second. I was kissing every part of his body I could find, his lips, his hands, his rugged beard, his—
Hold on— I didn’t date Zack Morris during the campaign. I meant Chuck Norris! Sorry, I get those two confused.
